Sons of Zabka

Thank God!  Football is back in effect for 2011!  The Sons of Zabka love all things Football…especially Beer, Cheerleaders, Tailgating and Beer.  That being said, we also love Football Movies.  Dave D and Kippah have tasked themselves with creating the greatest ‘Fantasy’ Football team comprised of characters from Football related Movies and TV Shows.  

THE RULES;

1. Only one player can be taken per movie/TV Show.  (You can not select the entire cast of Varsity Blues despite that movie ruling the school).

2. All characters must be (sort of) fictional.  You can’t take Tom Brady from “Sports Century presents Tom Brady”…We understand that some of the players taken are based on real life people (Remember the Titans, Rudy)…but give us a break.

3. The following positions must be filled: QB, Back Up QB, RB, WR, WR, TE, 2 Defensive Specialists, Offensive Line, Kicker, Coach, Mascot

4. Never talk about Fight Club!

Kippah is on the clock:

Kippah selects…

QB - Ronnie “Sunshine” Bass - Remember the Titans

Let’s state the obvious benefits in having “Sunshine” run this offense:

Racial Harmony - In every Football Movie, there is always an underlying theme of racial tension between players. Let’s nip this in the bud right away. Despite being “all set” at the Quarterback position, Sunshine was encouraged to attend TC Williams by his Father (Colonel William Bass) who wouldn’t allow Ronnie to attend a non-segregated school. “The way I see it, if these boys can fight a war together, they can play football together.” YES SIR! 

Toughness - On Sunshine’s first offensive play, he instructs his Offensive line to allow the league’s top defender to break through for a clean hit…but the tables get turned…upon the snap, Sunshine releases the ball in anticipation of the charging linebacker and decks him with a beautiful hit…The embarrassed LB is helped off the field while Sunshine’s impressed teammates yell, “That is one bad white boy!” Respect.  

The Veer - Coach Boone (Denzel) implemented ‘The Veer (QB Option)’ with Jerry “The Rev” Harris in mind to run it. When The Rev goes down with an injury, it is Sunshine who steps up to take control. Bass, as speedy as he is tough, caused fits on opposing defensive lines with his quick decision making and deadly throwing accuracy. Is he going to throw, pitch or run?  Opposing defenses usually guessed wrong as TC Williams went undefeated.  

So an undefeated season, the ability to run and pass, the coach’s decision to play him on offense AND defense…Did I mention he was considered a “California Dream Boat”…just like another QB I know…Tom Brady, ever hear of him? Regardless, I’m sold. Let the Sunshine in!

Dave D selects…

QB – Stan Gable – Revenge of the Nerds

This was a tough, tough choice as most football related entertainment focuses on the QB as hero or antagonist. AC Slater? Willie Beamon? Levander “Bird” Williams? In the end I felt I needed a leader, a gamer, and a man whose gonna make nerds have sensual relations with a goat. The alpha Alpha Beta - Stan Gable, All-American from the Adams Atoms. He certainly got his comeuppance Skolnick style, after Louis basically sexually assaulted his girlfriend, but if you chart the arc of the character, which was as high rising and glorious as his javelin toss, (though outdone by Wormser’s aerodynamically minded javelin which was made to go along with Lamaar’s limp wristed throwing style) throughout the Nerd quadrilogy one will find Gable finally tapped his potential/inner nerd. Though led astray by Morton Downey Jr*. (and really, who wasn’t from 1987-1989) in Nerds IV, he ultimately buried the hatchet with Louis and Betty, who just swooned over her sexual predator of a husband. I just can’t get over the fact that a long term, fulfilling relationship started with rape. I guess they’re both Catholic. Zing! Anyways, Gable was a sure first round pick and though he smacks a bit of Matt Leinart, I’m sure he learned his lesson and would never again “get his ass whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds. Nerds!” Of great importance as well is that this man: 

1) Replaced The Fonz on “Happy Days” and 

2) Played the seminal role of trophy husband Jefferson Darcy on “”Married With Children”. 

*(Better Downey Jr.: Morton or Robert? Chat on that.)  

 Kippah selects…

QB - Uncle Rico - Napoleon Dynamite

Rico has the will and swagger that gives him the diluted belief that he has other-worldly abilities. “How much you wanna bet that I can throw a football over those mountains?” The Back-up QB has never been a glamorous position…they hold clip boards, wear head sets and read Vonnegut (I’m looking at you Jon Moxon!) while the starter receives the adulation and credit…and should an opportunity arise to play, you need to be well prepared. Can you be more prepared than filming yourself throwing hundreds of footballs at a camcorder? How about examining said tapes to find any flaws in your mechanics? Uncle Rico would be the best Back-up QB on the planet (or in Idaho). His dedication is unquestionable. This is the man who purchased a “Time Machine” for the sole purpose to go back to 1982 and win a State Football Championship. “If Coach had just put me in…we would have won State.” I feel bad for his former Coach as it seems his lack of confidence in the young Rico contributed to a costly defeat. You cannot deny Rico’s need to compete…its motivation such as this that gives him a spot on my squad and I don’t need a model Sailboat to justify that!

Dave D selects…

QB – Nelson Muntz – The Simpsons

With the caveat that he follow through on his self-professed desire to quit smoking, my backup QB is Nelson Muntz. This multi-sport star (also a Springfield soccer icon) dominated the animated. Not only did he throw a 70-yard touchdown to himself, think of the Tebowesque Wildcat I could run. “Who are we? The Wildcats. Who are we gonna beat? The Wildcats!” With a smug, motorcycle riding father, a mother who worked at Hooters and an award winning chili (“it takes weeks to make Muntz” – praise the subtlety), this kid has the makeup of a winner. Ever since he kissed Lisa, which was “so gay” his focus has been crystalline on the field of battle. Who’s haw-hawing now? Me.

Kippah selects… 

 RB - Tim Riggins - Friday Night Lights

When asked about the racial tension between him and African American teammate and fellow Running Back Smash Williams, Riggins states, “It has nothing to do with race, I just don’t like the guy.” Straight forward, no nonsense and to the point…these qualities sum up not only Tim Riggins’ personality but his running style. Riggins is a throwback, smash mouth back. He is able to line up as both a Tailback and Fullback. His versatility is a rare trait in today’s Football player.  He’s the type of RB who can turn a 7 yard screen pass into a 45 yard gain or deliver a crippling lead block which would break Williams (another fantastic back, when he’s not juicing) for a long TD run. Think a taller, whiter version of Kevin Faulk combined with Gambit from X-Men. His career game came at the Dillon Homecoming 2006…the heavily recruited Smash Williams crumbled under the pressure of this gigantic stage (with NCAA scouts watching his every move).  Riggins (taking the reins from the benched Williams) scored 4 Touchdowns and was named Player of the Game.  

Despite a drinking problem and penchant for sleeping with his paralyzed best friend’s fiancée (no, I’m not kidding), Riggins is a leader and Captain of the State Champion Dillon Panthers.   He is able to successfully blend his rugged, stoic football angst with his off the field wild child, brooding mentality…and to answer your question…yes…I have a man crush…and no, I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Dave D selects…

RB – Al Bundy – Married…With Children

I desperately wanted to go with Ricky Baker, who couldn’t even outrun some buckshot, or Billy Cole from “The Last Boy Scout”, but with the average career of a running back already dangerously low at 2.6 years I couldn’t take someone killed in either a Doughboy related gang shooting or an on-field gambling and amphetamine related suicide. If I did go with Cole at least we could do some Tae-Bo, as he was played by Billy Blanks. Too bad he didn’t have blanks in that gun. Zing! Al Bundy cherished the glory of competition. Never letting it slip into the abyss of memory he was always game to lace ‘em back up, especially when Bubba Smith came around. Al sustained the confidences afforded him from a four touchdown performance in the 1966 state title game for Polk High (suck on that Riggins) even in the face of a wisecracking, bouffanted, Bon-Bon sucking wife, a vapid, slutty daughter and a poser of a son (Rapmaster B lives!). A broken leg and a saucy Peg prevented Al from playing college ball but his mind never left the gridiron. Bundy is the warrior we all wish we could be. Plus the NO MA’AM crew would always be there to cheer us on.  

Kippah selects…

WR - Charlie Tweeder - Varsity Blues

Who would have the gall to show off an end zone celebration dance before the game is even played? Charlie Tweeder, Wide Receiver for the West Canaan Coyotes. Tweeder was the crazy, pill popping, beer drinking, police car stealing Texan who you would have loved to get hammered with every night back in High School. Despite his height (he couldn’t have been more than 5’7”) Tweeder was the preferred aerial target for both Lance “Career ending knee injury” Harbor and Jon “I don’t want your life” Moxon. Tweeder was the center piece of the highly controversial “Oopty Oop” offense that was implemented in the Division championship game. The Oopty Oop was a five receiver set shotgun offense. Four receivers lining up on one side…Tweeder lined up isolated in hopes that he could burn his Cornerback with one-on-one coverage. The Oopty Oop worked to perfection and West Canaan was victorious. Tweeder (who also blocked a punt) celebrated by “drinking beers” because “Tweeder drinks beer.” The character of Tweeder was recreated in 2007 in the form of Wes Welker (minus the public nudity).

Dave D selects…

WR - Air Bud – Fernfield Timberwolves – Air Bud: Golden Receiver

What’s more radical: a dog playing football or the fact that I am putting a Junior High player on my squad? Neither. The answer is Cru Jones. Nonetheless, I simply must have an animal on my team at all times. My l’affaire avec les films animaux stems from my experience as writer and star, along with Max the dog, of the seminal student film “Sgt. Barko and the Case of the Mutant Baby Murder”. If you want to come over and watch it let me know. Bring a VCR. Buddy, fresh off his basketball success, once again finds himself in the midst of a family drama, as his owner, Josh, is none too happy some sleazebag veterinarian is boinking his single mom. Luckily the Russian Circus Mob shows up to abscond with Buddy so we all have a collective enemy to work together to defeat. Buddy was a four-legged Jerry Rice, though the ball always seemed oddly deflated when he made a catch. Hmm. He wasn’t afraid to go over the middle or roll around in his own feces, so we got that going for us, which is nice.

Kippah selects…

WR - Deacon Moss - The Longest Yard (remake)

Moss is the undisputed leader of the black inmates at Allenville Penitentiary who did not want to join Paul “Wrecking” Crewe’s Prisoners team for a game against the much hated Guards. Is it because Crewe is White? Not so fast Michael Richards! Crewe is known for shaving points in a professional football game and Moss wants no part of that. The white thing doesn’t bother him.  It is only when the guards start using racial slurs to get a rise out of Running Back Earl Meggett (Nelly, post ‘Ride Wit Me’), Moss joins the team. In this instance, Deacon Moss plays not for the love of the game…but for revenge and maybe even pride. Respect isn’t something earned on the playing field for Moss. Deacon torches the guards with blazing speed and makes several unbelievable catches. He actually throws the game winning Touchdown pass on a trick play. Combining Deacon Moss and Charlie Tweeder is basically having a fictional Wide Receiver squad of Randy Moss and Wes Welker…and that usually works out pretty well…LOL.  

Dave D selects…

WR – Phil Elliot – North Dallas Bulls – North Dallas Forty

Dragging his mangled, cheesily mustached aching body out of bed and coaxing his mind to function with a joint, some pills and washing it all down with a beer, Phil Elliot was a 70’s anti-hero. With hands full of stickum and a brain full of subversive wisecracks, this man made some of the biggest fictional catches ever. Cursed to ride the bench for personal reasons by his overbearing, self-righteous warrior of God coach (I firmly believe in the separation of Church and Football), Elliot was called upon when a Super Bowl trip was on the line. Though he could still play, he retired to his even more 70’s than his ‘stache horse farm, which looked like a swinger’s ski lodge, with his 70’s girlfriend in her 70’s bulky sweaters, rather than compromise his ideals. Plus, the Bulls’ private eye caught him smoking grass. The horror, the horror… 

Kippah selects…

TE - Lucas Blye - Lucas

As the Tin Man once said…you gotta have heart! Lucas (impeccably played by the late, great Corey Haim) was the small, geeky kid who would stop at nothing to gain the heart of the pretty girl at school. Even if that meant getting killed on the football field. Let’s review the play in question where Lucas gets mangled. Against his teammates’, the principal’s and his friend’s wishes, Lucas lines up at Tight End and immediately gets knocked on his ass…he gets up and runs to his QB and is flipped the ball on a shovel pass…not knowing what to do, he laterals the ball back and takes off down the field…with all the receivers covered and the crowd imploring the QB to throw the ball to a wide open Lucas, Tonto (the QB, don’t ask me how I know his name), with no other choice, launches a bomb towards the unsteady hands of our hero…Lucas bobbles the ball, never gaining complete control and drops it…THAT’S IT! The whistle should have blown…it was an incomplete pass, right? Watch the replay, poor Lucas clearly never possesses ownership of the ball…I’m still frustrated even after my 8137th viewing of the play!  Inexplicably the play continues as if the ball was fumbled and is recovered by the opposing team’s Defensive Back. Lucas goes for the tackle, hanging on to the D-bags shirt for dear life and gets crushed by everyone and their grandma at the bottom of the pig pile…leading to a concussion, scar and hospital stay. If the Ref had just done his job, Lucas would have been fine…a terrible non-call…but it did lead to one of my favorite cinematic moments of all time…Lucas finding a team letterman jacket in his locker, followed by the slow clap… clap…clap…clap…GOOSEBUMPS! Lucas is the very un-athletic heart of my team!

Dave D selects…

TE – Brian Murphy – The Replacements

Other than Lucas, I couldn’t even think of another fictional tight end save for Murphy. This is no knock on The Deaf One, but it’s just not a glamour position, no matter how many of them Bill Belichick drafts (Hernandez and Gronkowski look like they are going to pan out, alright, so could we please not grab another three tight ends next year? We should have just stuck with Daniel Graham and saved the 17 draft choices). Still, Murphy did get a b-job (or blow-j, or blowie, if you will) from a stripper turned cheerleader. Sentinel coaches claim he could have gone pro if not for the deaf thing (at least he’ll never jump the snap count). How did they come to that conclusion, as Murphy attended Gaudellet College, which was a school for the deaf. I went to UMass, on the other hand, which was a school for the def. Word. Did they play other schools organized by handicaps? Was there a blind team? No wonder he dominated in college. The only problem is we can’t call any audibles. More like deaf-ibles. I’ll bet he loves Lunchables. I prefer Go-gurt, as regular yogurt just slows me down too much. I’ll stop now.  Also, it’s Roy from The Office!

Kippah selects…

Defensive Specialist - Phillip Finch – Wildcats

“It’s the sport of kings…better than Diamond Rings…” Wildcats is one of those flicks that you have to watch every time it’s on (along with any movie starring C. Thomas Howell), but I digress…if you need a 400LB Lineman on your fake Fantasy Team, then you have to start with Finch…if the price is right. Finch has absolutely zero passion about anything in life aside from Extra Large orders of French Fries and making money. After tricking Defensive stalwart and fart machine Turrullo into knocking himself out via a head bang into a locker, Coach Molly McGrath (Goldie Hawn) orders Finch to join the Central High Wildcats. Initially against playing (“I’ll only play if they pay me”), Finch blocks a potential game winning field goal which leads to an unlikely victory and championship for the Wildcats. He’s not exactly Mike Singletary or even Andy Katzenmoyer, but Finch made the clutch play in crunch time. Also, he deserves MAJOR POINTS for appearing in two of the greatest movies of all time…Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol and Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach. House!

Dave D selects…

Defensive Specialist – Charles Jefferson – Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Keeping your star players properly motivated is of paramount importance, and if all it’s gonna cost me is to get a dominating performance from my Mike ‘backer and defensive leader each week is a wrecked ‘79 Camaro then call Spicoli and Jefferson’s little brother. I’ll supply the weed and the second side of Led Zeppelin IV (even though, in the film, they clearly listen to “Kashmir” off “Houses of the Holy”. Mistake, or subtle inference of the lack of Ratner’s savvy?). A growling beast, he’s liable to take out multiple linemen whilst sacking the quarterback. Plus, he wanted to two tickets to the Earth, Wind and Fire concert for he and his little brother from Damone (who went on to play one of my all-time favorite film character, Michael from “Mean Streets” - Jap adaptors?) so you know he is a funky-ass family man, and a football team is a family. A ‘roided-up, head butting, borderline homoerotic family, but a familial unit nonetheless.

Kippah selects…

Defensive Specialist - Becky “Icebox” O’Shea - Little Giants

Unjustifiably cut from the local Pee Wee football team (The Cowboys) because of her sex (gasp!), Becky led the sparsely put together Little Giants to an improbable victory over their athletically superior cross town rivals. With this victory, Becky took the title of ‘Greatest Female Football Player Movie Character’ from Tammy Meda (played by Helen Hunt…really?) of “Quarterback Princess” fame. A dominant middle linebacker, her father (and coach) Danny O’Shea instituted a ‘Monster Back’ Defense which would allow ‘The Icebox” to wreak havoc all over the field. Like most 13 year old girls, Becky is going through some hormonal changes…and at one point opts to become a Cheerleader rather than a Football Player (in the hopes of getting QB Junior Floyd to notice her). However, her fire and passion for the pigskin burns deep inside as she inevitably chooses her love of football over her newfound feelings. “You better watch out, because the Icebox is gonna defrost you!”  Also, she stars in Skinemax late-night movies now…how the mighty have fallen.

Dave D selects…

Defensive Specialist – Steve Lattimer – ESU Timberwolves – The Program

Speaking of ‘roided up, the butt needling, pill popping defensive lineman Steve Lattimer rounds out my defense. Like Icebox, he too started developing lumps where there were none before and as a result was forced to urinate while James Caan watched (which seems like a strange, erotic cult activity). Though Lattimer found himself suspended for three games due to PEDs, all that shit is legal in the NFL, so no problem there. Like an opera singer, the man can shatter glass with his voice and QBs with his phony muscles. This guy was the Heidi Montag of football players. Still, he found a spot on the Miami Sharks in “Any Given Sunday” and played Leatherface in the horrible horror film “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning”. After getting sexual assault charges dropped because the girl’s daddy was a booster, Lattimer felt he could get away with anything, and I need that reckless abandon. Now excuse me while I go lay in traffic Joe Kane style.  

Kippah selects… 

Offensive Line - School Ties

With Sunshine, Riggins and Moss, we have established a crew of players who have overcome racial prejudice for the betterment of their respective teams. These players and their life lessons will be invaluable to the Gentlemen who will be blocking for them. When there is a chance to right a wrong, Coach Kippah is there to see it through. This leads me to the selection of the Offensive line or more accurately the culturally biased, prep school boys of School Ties.  These boys unknowingly blocked for David Greene, a fish out of water Jewish QB playing for a Catholic Prep School. All was well during the football season, where St. Matt’s dominated on the field…off the field, well, it was embarrassing. News broke that Greene was Jewish…this didn’t sit well with the Catholic crowd in 1950’s Massachusetts. Greene was hazed, bullied and ultimately framed for cheating by his teammates! By surrounding the School Ties kids with Sunshine, Riggins and Moss, maybe I can make a change in the way they perceive others …maybe they will realize that a person should not be judged by their race or religion but by their integrity and character. I sound a little like Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy.  Regardless, I am trying to do my part for humanity. And if they don’t like it, well I’ll be the one standing outside their dormitory screaming COWARDS!!!!!!!!!

Dave D selects…

Offensive Line – Necessary Roughness

This choice is based solely on the fact that because of their large, Samoan center, Manumana the Slender, from the time this movie was released my younger brother called our Nana “Nanunana the Slender” for the balance of her life. The strange sexual tension between Manumana and sultry kicker Kathy Ireland led to some idiosyncratic moments in the otherwise all-male locker room and could have been a movie in itself. It was like a modern day King Kong, with the large, misunderstood, domineering foreigner from a strange land with a heart of gold trying to woo the white woman. The natural protective instincts of Manumana, nurtured by the firm, guiding hands of coaches Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennaro and Wally Riggendorf, bode well for Gable, Muntz and Bundy. Also, “Necessary Roughness” was the first post “Valerie’s Family” vehicle for Jason Bateman, so there’s that.

Kippah selects…

Kicker - Derek Wallace - The Waterboy

Again, a man who uses his disdain of racism to his advantage - when lining up a 50 yard field goal kick, Wallace imagines a KKK member as the ball and promptly kicks it through the posts for 3. Brilliant! Every team needs a dependable kicker…not necessarily for making last minute field goals but how about an onside kick. In a crucial moment during the Bourbon Bowl, Wallace scans the faces of the return team and spots a fidgeting, nervous man. ”There’s my Bitch,” he quips. Successful onside kick and Recovery by the Mud Dogs! Derek also becomes the first player on the Mud Dogs to accept and befriend the mentally incompetent Waterboy (Bobby Boucher). It’s a feel good moment. Every team needs a few high character guys. Wallace is one of them.

Dave D selects…

Kicker – Barney Gorman – The Garbage Picking, Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon 

It’s a Danza Bonanza! For all you garbage pickers constantly kicking the hydraulics on your garbage trucks know that it does lead somewhere. Namely, kicking field goals for the Philadelphia Eagles. Funny how Philadelphia, with the nastiest, drunkest, most loutish fans this side of a soccer riot have somehow had two Disney movies made about their franchise (the other being “Invincible”). Kinda like Roman Catholics producing stories about descending the various circles of hell. They already did that? My bad. Tony Danza is a tour de force in this film. As ashman Barney Gorman, he is originally eschewed by the established players but quickly wins them over with his boyish Albanian looks and Brooklyn charm. Oh wait, that was how he won me over. He kicked a bunch of field goals, what the hell do you want from me?

Kippah selects…

Coach - Eric Taylor - Friday Night Lights

Whether he is battling public scrutiny over his decision to bench leading rusher Smash Williams or if he’s courageously sending in an inept kicker (Landry Clarke) to make a 45 yard field goal that would not only win the game but justify his career, Coach Taylor easily gets my vote as the best fake Football Coach. High School football in Texas is a different animal. Radio stations are dedicated to the week by week grind of their home teams. Television Shows are dedicated to the analysis of each play. Coaching is a full time job. Coach Taylor motivates his players not by belittling them but by teaching them…he is strict, but not too strict. He is friendly, but not too friendly…he manages to find the perfect balance in the player/coach relationship. Many players (Riggins, Williams, Matt Sarucen, Vince Howard) look to him as a father figure…but Taylor draws the line…he is just the coach and is there to help them in any way he can, but he has his own family. His family includes his smoking hot wife and teenage daughter (who I can’t comment on because I’m not sure if she is legal). Eric Taylor teaches the viewer that a good coach doesn’t need to scream and yell to get results. A good coach is there to inspire his players…and he does just that.

Dave D selects…

Coach – Dan Devine – Rudy

I know, I know. We’re not supposed to pick characters based on real people, but this selection is my personal presentation of the “Sports Fiction Lifetime Achievement Award” to Chelcie Ross (this award is second in prestigiousness only to the “Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence”). Between the years of 1986 and 1991 not only did he play Coach Dan Devine in “Rudy” he was junkballer Eddie Harris in “Major League”, Senator Baynard in “The Last Boy Scout” and, in his most salient performance, played erstwhile Hickory basketball coach George in “Hoosiers”. At first, he was upset at his displacement by Norman Dale but this was because he, along with most of the townsfolk, felt Dale couldn’t get the job done. Passionate about the zone defense and not dressing Rudy Ruettiger, until Roland Steele set him straight, Chelcie was a man who always put the team first. Not only does “no one, and I mean no one, come into our house and push us around” but “fact is, mister, you start screwin’ up this team, I’ll personally hide-strap your ass to a pine rail and send you up the Monon Line!” George may have left the ball but Chelcie never dropped it.  

Kippah selects…

Mascot - D-Bob - Rudy

He’s not exactly rolling with the ladies, but watching D-Bob utilize Rudy Ruettiger to talk to girls for him in exchange for tutorial tips…well the idea for that makes me laugh every time. D-Bob is the ultimate success story in Rudy (well aside from Rudy). He goes from a Teacher’s Assistant who can’t get a date to a financially successful, limousine riding, cigar smoking ladies’ man.  His ultimate moment is delivered after Rudy sacks the Georgia Tech QB…the close-up of a teary-eyed D-Bob screaming “Who’s the Wild Man now!” In that moment, you can see how deeply rooted their friendship is. Man Tears ahoy! He is the quintessential mascot for my team.

Dave D selects…

Mascot – Gus – California Atoms - Gus

This one is easy. Gus the mule was a mascot. Don Knotts discovered the mule could kick field goals. The mascot became the field goal kicker. This masquerading of a backup kicker as mascot is Belichick level roster stashing. Plus we can get Danza the trashman to pick up all the mule shit. Who’s the wild man now?

OKAY FOLKS!  What have we discovered?  Kippah may be gay…I mean he has Sunshine, Riggins, Tweeder, School Ties?  Kind of a hunky team?  Meanwhile Dave D has two animals and a cartoon character!  Weird!  

Who are we missing?  Lance Harbor?  Smash Williams?  Ogre?  Drop us a comment and let us know!  Let’s Go Pats!!!

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Hit us up at SonsofZabka@gmail.com.

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